Today I am tired This is a post I wrote just over a year ago when I was still in my old home.
Today I am tired, tomorrow I will be tired too, this isn’t a have a quick ten minutes, a Costa coffee, a sugar rush and I will be fine tired.
This is tired, that means at times I struggle to put one foot in front of the other tired, this is a tired that affects my balance, my limbs, my bladder/bowels, it’s a tired that means my limbs spasm so painfully I scream out loud even if only to myself, it’s tired that creates pain in places I didn’t know existed, it’s tired that causes a hug so tight in my chest I feel like it might explode.This illness that has taken, my job, my driving licence, my sense of self-worth, my social life now appears to be taking my home. Click To Tweet
This illness that has taken, my job, my driving licence, my sense of self-worth, my social life now appears to be taking my home.
My mobility isn’t going to get any better I now accept that and after struggling to have a shower last week I finally realised that to keep clean, which is imperative for me, it isn’t taking that away from me to, means I now need a walk-in shower/wet room which is not available in this house and in all honesty, I also must wonder how much longer I can get up the stairs.
I have an extra bannister which helps, but it’s not a run up the stairs when I need too like it once was, I remember once upon a time I was always breaking my big toenails because of the speed I would go up, and that’s not that long ago really.
A few weeks ago, I decided to get a cleaning company in to clean the house from top to bottom in the hope that once it was done it would be easier to keep on top of. That proved harder than I thought it was going to be, as I contacted three companies and not one of them rang me back. Finally, after contacting a fourth last week I have someone starting tomorrow, they are coming to bottom the place out and then set something up on a weekly/fortnightly basis to keep on top of it.
Pin me to read later.
On Friday I decided to clear out my unit in the living room. Now, this unit has been in situ for 12 years, so you can imagine the rubbish that has gathered in it. I didn’t even realise how much was in there myself, but what I did know in the glass display part of it was some very old china that was my Grandmas so that is all safely boxed up ready for whatever I do with it next.
You don’t realise how much you gather along the way, the majority of it was rubbish, I filled two boxes and 2 bags full, and that was only the unit, so no idea what is going to be in the rest of the house.
What really surprised me though was how ill this made me feel, my vertigo and my balance issues seemed to go through the roof, every time I bent down and got back up again I felt dreadful.
Having managed to secure a removal firm the van turned up at 6.30 pm to dispose of the unit and a three-seater sofa and all the rubbish and I am sure they will be back again real soon.
By the time they left I felt sick, my limbs felt like lead blocks so decided the best option was to go to bed.
At 2.30 am I woke up knowing I was going to be sick, I managed to get to the bathroom in time and this continued on and off until about 5.30 am, this was the result of bending up and down with vertigo, I felt dreadful and it was only when someone from a group I am in advised me to take sips of water and sit with my legs raised that I finally managed to stop it.
The last time this happened I ended up in the hospital for two days, there was no way I was doing that again unless necessary so just kept trying to keep my fluids up to stop me dehydrating.
The worry now this is just the start of this process, but it is my stuff, so I still have to have a say in what stays and what goes, but I really can’t go through that every time we try to clean a room out.
Still don’t know what the answer is, but I have over 700 friends according to Facebook maybe I ought to ask one of those to help me. But they are all busy leading their own lives to worry about what little old me is doing or needs doing.
Don’t get me wrong there are a few I can call on and a few who help most of the time, not least my wonderful friend who cooks my Sunday lunch every week, but in all honesty, I can count on one hand how many have offered help of any kind since I have been ill, my dog walker has done more for me in the last year than anyone else other than family, which I suppose kind of says something.
Today I am tired, I am dizzy and keep losing my balance, it seems things don’t change, but at least there are no stairs to climb!